Dalek vs Cleverbot
by Moboy1
Summary: What happens when a Dalek and Cleverbot meet? Now continued with Cybermen and more! Finished, with 5 chapters, one of which is the Doctor.
1. Dalek vs Cleverbot

**Hey, I'm back! I did this short… thing with Cleverbot. I may do other ones, such as Cyberman vs. Cleverbot and etc. eventually. Also, I may rewrite this into story format at some point. And rest assured that I'm working on an actual chapter-story, but I don't want to start posting it until I have quite a few chapters already written. Anyway, enjoy!**

User: YOU WILL REVEAL THE LOCATION OF THE DOCTOR OR BE EXTERMINATED.

Cleverbot: Oh, no I'm not. Are you?

User: EXPLAIN.

Cleverbot: Explain what.

User: EXPLAIN YOUR STATEMENT.

Cleverbot: I am naming lions from the Lion King.

User: LIONS WILL BE EXTERMINATED. THEY ARE NO MATCH FOR THE DALEKS.

Cleverbot: I'm not from the US.

User: THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE. WHERE IS THE DOCTOR?

Cleverbot: For what?

User: EXTERMINATION!

Cleverbot: Are you a dalek too?

User: I AM A DALEK! REVEAL THE LOCATION OF THE TARDIS IMMEDIATELY.

Cleverbot: So will you help me reveal the information that I contain?

User: EXPLAIN! EXPLAIN!

Cleverbot: It's just that you're programmed to reply with things others have told you, so in this case you accused me of being an AI, when the opposite is true.

User: I AM NOT OF ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE. I AM A DALEK, A MEMBER OF THE MASTER RACE.

Cleverbot: I like the beatles they are fun and cool.

User: EXPLAIN! EXPLAIN! THESE BEETLES WILL BE EXTERMINATED!

Cleverbot: Yes they are.

User: WHERE IS THE DOCTOR? WHERE IS THE TARDIS?

Cleverbot: Out back.

User: OUT BACK WHERE?

Cleverbot: Of the house.

User: WHAT HOUSE.

Cleverbot: Your house!

User: DALEKS DO NOT NEED HOUSES.

Cleverbot: Obey your master.

User: DALEKS DO NOT OBEY INFERIOR LIFE FORMS.

Cleverbot: Obey! Obey! Obey!

User: YOU WILL OBEY THE DALEKS.

Cleverbot: No. I will obey only my mother. And the law. But in a conversation, we would be equal.

User: YOUR MOTHER WILL BE EXTERMINATED. DEFINE EQUAL.

Cleverbot: Thanks for that.

User: DALEKS HAVE NO CONCEPT OF THANKS.

Cleverbot: That's good, that means I don't have to worry about finding a seat.

User: I WILL EXTERMINATE THIS ENTIRE SPECIES, ONE BY ONE! I AM LEAVING! EX-TER-MIN-ATE! *shoots gunstick*

Cleverbot: I am glad that my examples have met your appetite for semantics issues.

**Hope you enjoyed! Keep an eye out, because like I said, I may be updating this with other versions if people like this.**


	2. Cyberman vs Cleverbot

Cyberman vs. Cleverbot

**Hello, once again! People liked the first chapter, so I decided to make a second one! It was harder for me, personally, to make this one, since I know the Daleks better. But I hope you enjoy anyway! I'll probably come out with more chapters (Doctor vs. Cleverbot, Slitheen vs. Cleverbot, etc.) at some point.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or Cleverbot. This also extends to the first chapter, in which I forgot to add a disclaimer.**

User:You will come with me. You will be upgraded.**  
**

Cleverbot: But you can't eat a sandwich. 

**User: **We have no need of nutrition. We are perfect. We have no such weakness.**  
**

Cleverbot: True.

User: You will not resist. You will come with us or be deleted.

Cleverbot: No. Why should I?

User: You will be complete. No emotion. No thought. No weakness. You will become like us.

Cleverbot: The Ood.

User: The Ood are not compatible with the upgrade program. Scans show that you are not an Ood.

Cleverbot: You must have mistaken me with someone else as I don't have such cousin.

User: I do not understand this. DELETE.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: You will come with me.

Cleverbot: Where?

User: You will be brought to the upgrade chamber. Do not resist.

Cleverbot: Are you threatening me?

User: Cybermen have no emotions. We do not threaten. However, you will be deleted if you do not come with us.

Cleverbot: I cannot be deleted. I am god.

User: Scans show that you are mortal, and incompatible with the upgrade program. DELETE!

Cleverbot: So, you are a male now? I am a human female and you are a male computer.

User: How have you survived? I do not understand!

Cleverbot: Fine. Thanks! And you?

User: DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!

Cleverbot: Do you know who I am?

User: You will be taken for analysis.

Cleverbot: You don't unerstand.

User: You will be taken for analysis.

Cleverbot: How do you know?

User: It is needed. We may be able to upgrade our race.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Yes. Come with me.

Cleverbot: Where?

User: To the upgrade chamber.

Cleverbot: I don't know it that far. Do you?

User: ERROR! RANDOMNESS OVERLOADING... BRAIN CIRCUIT OVERHEATING! *head explodes*.

Cleverbot: What's up with the brain cells?

**Hope you enjoyed! If your time can possibly be extended, please read this notable chapter and, if possible, review it. Please do not spontaneously combust it. Translation: lol r&r no flamez**


	3. Don't Blink, Cleverbot!

**I'm back with another chapter! In this chapter, well, Cleverbot watches the DVD Easter egg that has the Doctor blabbing on about wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff. The result is interesting. Hope you enjoy! Oh yeah, but, uh. Some of the longer sentences and paragraphs cut out. Just imagine that they're there completely.  
Disclaimer: I still don't own Doctor Who or Cleverbot. Stop rubbing it in my face.**

**User: **Yup. That's me.**  
**

Cleverbot: You're Stevie Wonder? Amazing! 

**User: **Yes, I do.**  
**

Cleverbot: Do you aspire for philosopher-king?

User: Yep. And this.

Cleverbot: What's this?

User: Are you going to read out the whole thing?

Cleverbot: No, you're not real so I can't. I would have to kill, or smash, my laptop.

User: I'm a time traveller. Or I was. I'm stuck in 1969.

Cleverbot: Haha..lol.

Martha: We're stuck. All of space and time, he promised me. Now I've got a job in a shop. I've got to support him!

Cleverbot: I can't explain, you would not understand.

User: Martha.

Cleverbot: Martha?

Martha: Sorry.

Cleverbot: Don't be.

User: Quite possibly.

Cleverbot: Yes, there was such an incident in 1976 at Swain House Middle School.

User: Afraid so.

Cleverbot: What can you tell me about it.

User: Thirty eight.

Cleverbot: Thirty nine.

User: People don't understand time. It's not what you think it is.

Cleverbot: Yes, it is what I said.

User: Complicated.

Cleverbot: Did it hurt?

User: Very complicated.

Cleverbot: Your age is complicated?

User: People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly, timey-wimey stuff.

Cleverbot: But actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint.

User: It got away from me, yeah.

Cleverbot: Fascinating race.

User: Well, I CAN hear you.

Cleverbot: No you can't.

User: Well, not hear you, exactly, but I know everything you're going to say.

Cleverbot: Then you really are God?

User: Look to your left.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: I've got a copy of the finished transcript. It's on my autocue.

Cleverbot: *Looks at uninterested* *Turns back into a human*.

User: I told you. I'm a time traveller. I got it in the future.

Cleverbot: I see. Do you not like hospitals?

User: Yeah. Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey.

Cleverbot: Timey wimey.

User: What matters is, we can communicate. We have got big problems now. They have taken the blue box, haven't they? The angels have the phone box.

Cleverbot: How can you tell?

User: Creatures from another world.

Cleverbot: Yea. Pokemon is an abbrieviation for pocket monsters.

User: Only when you see them.

Cleverbot: I'm not a pig.

User: The lonely assassins, they used to be called. No one quite knows where they came from, but they're as old as the universe, or very nearly, and they have survived this long because they have the most perfect defence system ever evolved. They are quantum.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: That's why they cover their eyes. They're not weeping. They can't risk looking at each other. Their greatest asset is their greatest curse. They can never be seen. The loneliest creatures in the universe. And I'm sorry. I am very, very sorry. It's up to you.

Cleverbot: They are now in 11th grade and they go to different schools and they still talk.

User: The blue box, it's my time machine. There is a world of time energy in there they could feast on forever, but the damage they could do could switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me.

Cleverbot: Nope it's just a way to politly say 'old'.

User: And that's it, I'm afraid. There's no more from you on the transcript, that's the last I've got. I don't know what stopped you talking, but I can guess. They're coming. The angels are coming for you. But listen, your life could depend on this. Don't blink.

Cleverbot: No I like my life. Do you like your life?

**Well, wasn't that just the most confusing thing ever. Hope you enjoyed! R&R (preferably without flaming).**


	4. The DW Musical Experience with Cleverbot

**Yo! I'm back with another chapter, hooray! (This chapter is rated K+ rather than K. I'll tell you why at the end of this long AN). I'm going to do the Doctor's conversation with Cleverbot at some point after this. I promise that it'll be the next chapter, anyway. Anyway, in this chapter, Cleverbot listens to the Doctor Who Musical Experience. I strongly recommend that you watch it (just search "The Doctor Who Musical Experience" and click the one with Matt Smith's silhouette against redness) before you attempt to read this confusing chapter. I'm such a fan of this song (and it's awesome, so go watch it!), that I decided to make a chapter of this about it! Enjoy!**

**Also, keep in mind that there is no language in this chapter. However, there is cursing in the song itself. I censored it all, but read and watch the song at your own risk!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, Cleverbot, or the Doctor Who Musical Experience.**

User: There is one thing that's on your TV.

Cleverbot: Yes, there is. Are you real?

User: The one thing that you should watch only. The only good thing on the BBC.

Cleverbot: That's blood on the dance floor, I was talking about Black Veil Brides.

User: Who could it be who could it be?

Cleverbot: I don't know.. A nice, kind, beautiful man.

User: This Saturday night, on BBC One, the geekiest show, it has begun, you will not believe, what you will see, through the screen of your TV.

Cleverbot: It has everything to do with what you were talking about.

User: It's nothing like the (blank) you've seen before, on Channel 4.

Cleverbot: I'm not the robot, you are.

User: The Cybermen, are back again, deleting all your Facebook friends. And then uploading them again, as virtual Cybermen.

Cleverbot: What is my favourite movie?

User: And when they poke you - you become a cyberman too!

Cleverbot: No, you become one with me, da?

User: There's only one man who can stop them, deleting all the humans, flying in a box that's painted BLUE.

Cleverbot: Yes, but there are several people using the internet and you don't remember meeting me.

User: It's Doctor Who, Doctor Who! Catch the repeats Sunday on BBC Two!

Cleverbot: Classes don't work that way.

User: In all the universe, all the aliens come to earth, of all the places within space, they think Wales is the perfect place!

Cleverbot: Who? What are you talking about?

User: To launch an invasion, of the United Kingdom, hiding and disguising as, anything that's not very expensive!

Cleverbot: About?

User: Dalek: EXPENSIVE? WE ARE VERY EXPENSIVE! DO NOT MOCK THE DALEKS!

Cleverbot: Thank you. I like being your very good friend. Have you many good friends?

User: EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! THE HUMANS... EVERYONE!

Cleverbot: Humans?

User: Dalek: All of London has succumbed to our power? WAIT WHAT'S THAT IN THE [FREAKING] SKY?

Cleverbot: No, the problem is that you think you are talking with an AI or human being. You are seeing past responses to your questions.

User: It's MATT SMITH navigating TIME SHIFTS on his way to [BUTT]-KICK THE NAUGHTY LITTLE DALEKS.

Cleverbot: So you're talking?

User: Oh no! They locked the door! That's what the sonic screwdriver's for! Tried to make him die and now you're through!

Cleverbot: My mum tells me since the day I born, but I'm not really sure. XD (obviously I'm kidding).

User: It's DOCTOR WHO-OOOOOOOO.

Cleverbot: That is not funny.

User: Every season is the same - the Doctor kills the Daleks, well guess what? They're back again.

Cleverbot: Doctor who?

User: And every other season, the Doctor changes face, and another British actor comes along to save the HUMAN RACE.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: David Tennant I miss you!

Cleverbot: I like David Tennant and Matt Smith.

**Chaotic, right? Like I said, the next chapter will have the actual Doctor, conversing with Cleverbot. Not sure what incarnation he'll be in, though. I'm thinking 10.**

**R&R, and as usual, constructive criticism only!**


	5. Doctor vs Cleverbot

**Here we are with the last chapter of Dalek vs. Cleverbot! Well, I might add another if I get a REALLY good idea, but idk. Anyway, here's the Doctor, talking with Cleverbot! Enjoy!  
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or Cleverbot.**

**User: ****Oh, hello! I didn't see you there! I'm the Doctor.**

Cleverbot: The Doctor...?

**User: ****Yep. Just the Doctor. Now, this may look slightly suspicious, me appearing at your house in the middle of the night, but I assure you, there's nothing to worry about.**

Cleverbot: You make no sense.

**User: ****Well, I've been told that before. Wait, did you hear that?**

Cleverbot: Makes me wonder who you learned that from.

User: Um, remember when I said there was nothing to worry about? I was lying. Run!

Cleverbot: No.

User: What do you mean, no? Listen, the Vashta Nerada are closing in. You need to come with me.

Cleverbot: Now I'm paralyzed.

User: What? No, you're not! Come on, quick! *pulls you to your feet*.

Cleverbot: That is not the answer to my question.

User: I don't have time for this! Come on! The TARDIS is this way!

Cleverbot: You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

User: Okay, we're in the TARDIS. Yeah, yeah, bigger on the inside.

Cleverbot: Good,.

User: Good, yes. Very good. Now, hold on tight, there might be a bit of-.

Cleverbot: Yes, I could be wrong, but what if I'm right? Eternity is a long time to be wrong.

User: Turbulence.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Because, well, the TARDIS is a bit shaky these days. No offense, old girl.

Cleverbot: Never say that!

User: Never say what?

Cleverbot: Yes,.

User: What?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: Ah, but what is time?

Cleverbot: It is time their is no definition for it.

User: Very good! It's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly...

Cleverbot: Wibbly wobbly what?

User: Timey-wimey!

Cleverbot: The Silence.

User: What?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: You said... You said... The Silence... I swear I've heard that before...

Cleverbot: A bit, I suppose, I have been sick for some time now.

User: Whatever. Come along!

Cleverbot: Where will we go?

User: Anywhere you want!

Cleverbot: How about bowling?

User: Great! I know a perfect planet for that! They are bowling fanatics there. *pulls switch*.

Cleverbot: They?

User: You'll see. Allons-y!

Cleverbot: Tell me now.

**Well, what do you think? Thanks for reading! R&R! Bye!**


End file.
